I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How external is "for external use only"?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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