either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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