I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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