if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
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thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dick very happy bro
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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