remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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