I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We named our party play list daddy issues
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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