He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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