My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize