he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Let's paint friendship bongs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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