I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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