Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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