But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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