also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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