I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize