He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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