Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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