ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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