There was a lot of him and a little penis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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