I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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