can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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