It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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