I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize