4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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