After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
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Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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