Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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