im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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