So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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