Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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