why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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