he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize