my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize