I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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