my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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