First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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