I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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