I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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