My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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