I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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