Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize