I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wear drunk well.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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