Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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