if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My feet surprised me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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