the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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