Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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