I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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