I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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