Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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