he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize