So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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