That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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